I am with I. in a place that looks like a monastery by a river. Actually, it is a nice monastery. There are people (tourists? pilgrims?) I have never met who are at the small monastery because there is a nun who is a fortune teller and also – but I am not entirely sure about it – because it seems that Mary (yes, the mother of Jesus) appears there.
I don’t know why I am with I. as she is not my “friend” but apparently we are pretty close. Swimming in the river is not easy but it is nonetheless pleasant until the current gets too strong and I get out.
I go to see the nun. First, I confess my sins. “I haven’t had confession for years, since I was a child”, I say. She is not upset by this and takes my hand “You are going to have twins”.
…. I wake up thinking about this place which looked so peaceful in my dream. But… twins??!
I wake up at 6:15 a.m. thinking about the past, pleasant memories. It strikes me that I feel this itch of writing not in my native language about my grandparents, “our” house in Tuscany, the smell of focaccia and milk for breakfast. The memory is so vivid that, if I close my eyes, I can even picture my grandma’s bicycle. The taste of fried pumpkin blossoms in my mouth, the kitchen and the garden where my grandpa had a nap on a rocking chair. One day we took a picture of him napping. I still have this picture in a drawer I rarely open as I’m afraid of being stuck in the past. This drawer is like the rabbit hole of Alice: if I fall down, I’ll never come back. How can I get out again? There would be no reasons really, as I would find people & places I sincerely miss.
Of course my life was far from being “perfect”, yet I was a lucky little girl with no concerns or bad days. To be candid, I did have troubles with my “amici del mare”, as we say here (my summer friends). They were all older than me and I was often bullied. I used to hang out with people who were 18 or even 20 when I was 12-13 years old. It’s a huge difference. I was the little one and… I was also nice-looking the latter being not necessarily an advantage when you are surrounded by “grown-ups” who do not look nice at all. Definitely not an advantage when the most beautiful guy (he was 25 but I can be wrong. Maybe older?) sort of asked me out. I was bewildered. He just wanted to test how far he could go: “Maybe I can even have sex with a 13 years old?!“. Of course he didn’t achieve his goal, but I was hated by my girlfriends who had a crush on him (who didn’t?).
Actually, I had a crush on the ugliest guy I have ever met. Ok, this is a bit unfair. He was not that ugly but he was not attractive either. And I had my first French kiss while watching Dirty Dancing in a movie theatre. He wore a dental brace so… not funny but exciting. All our friends stared at us as if we were zombies making out in public. And we kissed at on the beach a few days later. It was magical, I can’t really describe it.
Also, can I describe my swimming lessons at sea with Luca?
Or the scent of oleanders filling the air?
I’ve always been impulsive, very much so. It has taken me years to thinking more before answering an email within more than 5 minutes. When I receive an email I don’t like because of the tone or other things, my spontaneous reaction would be answering in a way I would certainly regret in a few hours.
Yesterday I received one of those emails. I was really disappointed and had to speak to some friends and relatives to calm down. They all agreed that I was right to be pissed off but that I was too annoyed to write a decent reply. I didn’t check my emails for the rest of the day and started writing the reply two or three times before giving up. Of course they were right. Of course I was right to be really annoyed but I have learnt to be more cautious, to evaluate the benefits and the drawbacks of an impulsive response. And the only possible reply to that email would have been: fuck off, I decide, not you. However, I didn’t write a single line (what an effort!), gave a serious thought and evaluated all the opportunities I had. The fuck off answer was replaced by a polite email which does not even mention all the aspects that I dislike. There is one particular thing that makes me angry but there’s not much I can do about it. This is work, I guess.
Obviously wordpress is different from blogger. It’s much better but I still need to get my head around it and fix things here and there. Oh well, I’ll work on it as soon as I have time that is NOW 😉 I am off today. I worked all day yesterday and it was good as I finished a piece of writing and got something else done. It was a long day though, as I spent 9-10 hours at my desk.
I don’t teach anymore (I finished my course last week) and I now go to my workplace once in while, really. I work at home and I have a couple of biz trips before the summer holidays, speaking of which we haven’t decided anything yet. I’ll be very busy until mid-end August and, as I spent more time in the air or… in the clouds (short explanation of the title), I am more keen on driving for 2-3 hours and going to Tuscany. It’s not just because I love the place, I don’t want to catch flights anymore! We will see as G. has a different idea. He still wants to go to Greece. Don’t get me wrong, the sea is better there than in Tuscany BUT there are also drawbacks and it’s more likely that we will both be too tired to take planes, boats etc.
There might be a chance to go to one of my favorite places on earth: Stromboli. My mum would love to spend two weeks in Stromboli and asked me if I would like to join her for 3-4 days. Of course I would! This is going to happen (fingers crossed) in July but it depends on deadlines, writing commitments and other things. A few days with my mamma in “our” place, it sounds like a lovely plan and honestly I can’t wait even though G. has to stay at home and look after the “red devil”, our dog. He’s just turned 2 🙂
I’ll try to fix things in a moment…