Vienna

THIS is what I need and I am going to book it right now.

Yes! Vienna in September… a weekend with my partner and maybe a beer with friends?

It sounds good, isn’t it?

… I am in a better mood today. The dog is just being capricious.

 

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Something is… just wrong!

Ok, I keep complaining. You’re right. It’s not a super positive blog but this is life and I haven’t been through super happy/relaxing moments lately so, why should I lie?

First, I am sleep deprived… for a change. I wake up every single day between 6 and 7 and it’s not funny as I could sleep much more. I am working but at home! There’s no point of getting up before 8 really but I can’t keep mind & brain relaxed for more than 6-7 hours. The result is that I feel like shit and I start working at 8 which is not necessary. I am obsessed with work. I suppose it’s because my colleagues are away and I feel all the responsibly on my shoulders which is exactly the case as I am taking decisions on behalf of a whole group. They are traveling around the world while I have conference calls and commitments on a daily basis. This has never happened to me in August. Never. I wish I could rely on someone but I came to realize that there’s no way out. Take it or leave it.

Second, I am still waiting for a f…email (see last post) but all I got is silence.

Third, I am obsessed with the dog. He has always been VERY healthy but he hasn’t been all that hungry these days. He doesn’t want to eat in the morning! This is really strange. The odd aspect is that he seems fine except for his attitude to food. I am concerned as his attitude has changed radically in a few days. Something is wrong. Now, I guess I should wait before taking him to the vet or rushing to worst-case scenario conclusions. However, given that we don’t have kids and that he has always been exceptionally well, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown! Honestly, I am very concerned. Very. Believe me or not, this dog is going to be my last. I just can’t cope with health problems. I can’t. I feel so bad that I am almost sick. Headache & other stuff. 

Fourth, because of the third reason, i don’t want to go on holiday. Everything is planned and booked but I can’t leave until I found out what’s wrong with the dog. I haven’t shared my thoughts with my partner as he would hate me for this and he is getting (already) quite annoyed with me (“stop taking about dog! can you relax, please?”). 

So we will see but can I tell you something?

I hate this summer. I hate it. Something is just wrong. My obsessions, potential health issues, not to mention that I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I am overworked, that’s for sure. I don’t feel like going to Greece and having fun. I feel like collapsing on the couch. 

 

 

August

It’s my favorite month but this year things are different. We are at home. Still working but things have slowed down a bit which is fine. I sleep more and have more time on my hands and yet I am not as relaxed or carefree as I should be. My partner says that I’ve always been like this, my mind is never quite which is (only) partly true. 

I am waiting for an important answer. I won’t go into details here, all I can say is that it pertains to work. I’m looking forward hearing from someone but so far he/she has been silent. I don’t like silence as it can be good or bad news and I don’t like the “waiting” phase. Although, I must confess that I am not thinking about it 24/7. If I receive a positive news, my life will change and hopefully for the better. It could be a big shift and I am a slightly worried about potential new/unknown habits and schedules. Despite being frustrated about my current position, I know that – after all – I am lucky as I have a flexible work schedules. I have to meet deadlines but it doesn’t matter “where” I am. I can work on weekends or from midnight to 7 am, nobody really tells me when & where I am supposed to work. Except when I am teaching or I am traveling abroad.

I am lucky BUT… there many things that I don’ like. If I manage to change my position, things are likely to become less flexible (a lot less). Oh well, we will see. 

There are also other aspects of my life that “concern” me. Perhaps 10 days in Greece will be of help. I guess I need to clarify what I want. Sometimes is clear-cut but then I realize that it’s not. It’s true that we crave for what we can’t have. 

I guess I need to voice my concerns to a friend but it would entails sharing very intimate thoughts and facts. I don’t know if I am ready to do it and, more importantly, I wouldn’t talk to my three best friends as they are too close, if you can see what I mean. My two girlfriends wouldn’t understand, I think, while C. would perhaps gain a deeper understanding but … we have never really shared intimate issues…