I haven’t written much lately. I have been through difficult times.
No worries, I am fine, strong and fit! However, I have been dealing with problems at the workplace which haunt me day & night. It’s hard to realize, after 10 years of hard working, that you don’t belong to your workplace anymore. It’s been tough and it is challenging to cope with frustration. I can’t go into details but it would suffice sharing the following thoughts (sorry for the bullet points. I am not a big fan of “points” but this is all I can come up with at the moment):
– I am not independent as I would like to be. Despite my experience, I still have to ask for permission for things that I should do without asking. This is a minor problem, though.
– As I said, after 10 years, because my position hasn’t changed much and my career is stuck, I dared to say – for the very first time- “NO” to something that I have always done. I said “I am not doing this anymore”. The result is that I am being ignored. My work is ignored. Obviously, I feel bad about it.
– As a consequence, the focus of the group is now on things which are not important! Things that won’t bring money nor excellence. I don’t agree with this approach for obvious reasons but… I am not the boss and the boss is not “with me” at the moment. Actually, the boss doesn’t give a shit about my situation.
– I am increasingly isolated (voluntarily and involuntarily) and I always work at home. When I go to the office I feel like a ghost, seen and unseen at the same time.
– I have worked for 3 years in a row in a very important project. I am invited to speak at an important event about the overall results. Someone who SHOULD come, who should show interest in all I HAVE DONE, is not coming. This is very disrespectful but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll do my best, as usual but still…you can imagine how I feel. It like saying: “I don’t give a fuck about your work” which is probably true. However, I have worked on behalf of an entire team and have fulfilled the expectations. So, going there without “support” from my own team does not make me feel good.
I don’t have good news. This is all for now. Just to say that this not a good moment. Actually, it’s pretty bad.