Dear Readers,

I haven’t written much lately. I have been through difficult times.

No worries, I am fine, strong and fit! However, I have been dealing with problems at the workplace which haunt me day & night. It’s hard to realize, after 10 years of hard working, that you don’t belong to your workplace anymore. It’s been tough and it is challenging to cope with frustration. I can’t go into details but it would suffice sharing the following thoughts (sorry for the bullet points. I am not a big fan of “points” but this is all I can come up with at the moment):

– I am not independent as I would like to be. Despite my experience, I still have to ask for permission for things that I should do without asking. This is a minor problem, though.

– As I said, after 10 years, because my position hasn’t changed much and my career is stuck, I dared to say – for the very first time- “NO” to something that I have always done. I said “I am not doing this anymore”. The result is that I am being ignored. My work is ignored. Obviously, I feel bad about it.

– As a consequence, the focus of the group is now on things which are not important! Things that won’t bring money nor excellence. I don’t agree with this approach for obvious reasons but… I am not the boss and the boss is not “with me” at the moment. Actually, the boss doesn’t give a shit about my situation.

– I am increasingly isolated (voluntarily and involuntarily) and I always work at home. When I go to the office I feel like a ghost, seen and unseen at the same time.

– I have worked for 3 years in a row in a very important project. I am invited to speak at an important event about the overall results. Someone who SHOULD come, who should show interest in all I HAVE DONE, is not coming. This is very disrespectful but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ll do my best, as usual but still…you can imagine how I feel. It like saying: “I don’t give a fuck about your work” which is probably true. However, I have worked on behalf of an entire team and have fulfilled the expectations. So, going there without “support” from my own team does not make me feel good.

I don’t have good news. This is all for now. Just to say that this not a good moment. Actually, it’s pretty bad.


4 thoughts on “Dear Readers,

  1. (Forgive my english).I understand. Totally. In some ways, I could have written the same post. The first sentence “I still have to ask for permission for things that I should do without asking. This is a minor problem, though”: it is not a minor problem, I think. It is the source. You have the skills to do something, you do it BUT either you have to ask permission before or you have to have your work checked after.
    I am not saying that a double check would not be needed, but also this impact on one’s self-esteem. It is like asking “please, let me fly alone, one time. Give me a chance” and the answer is always “next time”. So you feel (are) stuck. Someone is simply unable to do that, because fears that you may overcome them (even if that is not your will) or that someone else may understand that YOU are good at that.
    The absence of “who should come” is another hit for the self-esteem. Working in a group is partially good and partially bad, because you can share stress and worries but if the group is made (and, worst, led) by people who want to have always the final word, this is a nightmare.
    You know what you have done and if you think that it is a good job, go on. Latins said “absentis semper iniuriam”: the work done is good, he/she/they will not be there and he/she/they will have to explain why. BUT the work has been done in the right way, and you should be proud of that and of the fact that you will propose it alone.

  2. I’m with Pietro regarding the “asking for permission” thing. But I believe it to be a problem, mostly, for Italy and its old-fashioned way of working. Here, nobody will act unless “the boss” has said it’s OK. Even if I say, “OK, let’s do this.” most people ask if “the boss” has agreed. If not, then they won’t do anything and want to ask her first! This is crazy and I’ve never had this before in my life!

    If you want my two-penny worth, I say you should go in more often. The problem with working away is that people forget you exist – howver important you are. If you were there more often (particularly the way things are), you are reminding them, daily, that you exist. This has worked for me in the past. It will be hard to do but it means something will change, for sure. You will be “in their face”; make sure they see that you are there, several times a day!

    And, of course, I am always available for a beer, should you wish to discuss this in person – excpet, of course, when I can’t meet up for a beer, if you see what I mean 😉

    Anyway, big hugs and stuff like that.

  3. I’m starting to think that I’d like working in a team with both of you Pietro and Andy 🙂 !

    Your comments make me feel better, thank you. Actually, I am better because I worked out a “strategy”. First, Andy: I am going in more often for two reasons one of them being what you explained in your comment. They have to know that I exist! The second is that I am too isolated, I have to meet people. Not that I don’t see anyone here but it’s not the same.

    Pietro, I hate “the final word” thing BUT you know that that is exactly what happens in groups. One decides on behalf of a whole team which partly good and, of course, partly bad. And yes, asking for permission is probably the source of the problem also because I don’t have to do it when I work abroad with my colleagues who trust me blindly and give me credit for my work. Andy, you are probably right when you say that is an Italian “problem” or old-fashioned approach.

    I’d love to meet up for a beer 🙂

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