I just want to collapse on the couch and sleep or read. I feel exhausted. It must be the cold which makes me really hungry and sleepy despite this beautiful sun. It’s chilly but the sun is shining in this part of Italy. So, what’s new? We had a long chat over the weekend and things are much better. We are both tired (mainly because of our respective jobs) and we’re looking forward to the Christmas break even though we don’t have any plan except for visiting his parents. We are going to the mountains for a couple of days, that’s it. I’ll have to work anyway, as I have writing commitments.
So two-three days with his relatives and then I’ll maybe go visiting one of my best friends who lives one hour from here. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I really want to spend one full day with him.
Our dog is really excited today. The gardeners are working outside and he has been running since 9 a.m.!! He is never tired, blessed him. He brings joy and love. I love him so much, it’s even difficult to put it into words.Yesterday he didn’t see me until 7 p.m which is unusual and when I got back he jumped on me with kisses. I know he shouldn’t jump on people but… I can’t deny that I am happy when he greets me like that. The problem is, as you can imagine, that he jumps on everyone.
Anyway, the garden would be sooo empty without him running around, chasing birds etc.
There’s a monster in the kitchen! LOL, as I said it’s huge fridge for two people but it’s really nice… I like it. Our dog seems a bit confused by this new object which has an odd smell.
We had an argument yesterday. I told him that I am not happy. He told me things he doesn’t like. He doesn’t like living so close to mum. I can understand that. She is literally across the garden and she is often here. He thinks that we have “problems” because my parents interfere for trivial things like how to clean the fridge etc. Or families are the on the opposite side of the spectrum: while we seldom see them and/or hear from them, my relatives live where we live and my partner works with my dad! This might be overwhelming but I don’t think that his way of dealing with difficulties (complaining all the time) is related to this.
I should add, though, that we love each other. We still love each other after almost 18 years together and this moment shall pass. I can’t pretend that everything is fine but I can’t even say that we are living in a black hole!
As far as my job is concerned, things haven’t changed. I have big responsibility but my position is the same. I shouldn’t accept that but what are the alternatives? I have to wait until February-March to take any decision. It’s ok, I can wait for two-three months but I can’t wait forever. Also, I am involved in a project that is all “mine”. I just have to make it happen… can’t go into details here, sorry.
I haven’t put much thoughts into Christmas yet but I should hurry up. There are presents & decorations to buy. Today is our “Christmas decorations” day and we’re going to buy new ornaments. I’ve only bought one present for a colleague (and friend) of mine so far!
This is all for now. Have a lovely Sunday.
I intended to write a draft version of this post and then publish it here but I don’t have the time for it. Please forgive my mistakes, I don’t have the time to check typos, grammar etc.
I woke up this morning with the idea of updating this blog. A lot should be written but I’d limit myself to a couple of things which are important to me.
First and foremost, it’s been a difficult time. My mum, who suffers from a chronic disease, has been unwell. This shouldn’t be surprising given the very nature of her disease, but in fact it was a bit of shock for us because she had been quite well until three-four weeks ago! She had a complete remission for 2 years and then… bum! This caused stress and fears. I’m not going into details here but now things are slightly better. However, she had to go though tests and it seemed like a nightmare. We will see how things develop, we have an appointment with the specialist next week. We are more relaxed now though and I sleep more than a few weeks ago! Understandably, we tend to forget what means to be sick when we’re healthy. We had forgotten for two years and now we have to deal with the reality of things. But I don’t want to make things worse than they are so we will see.
Second, we (my partner and myself) have been dealing with troubles at work. He is still quite disappointed because things turned out to be very different from what we had expected. Long story short: he works a lot (often until 10 p.m.) with very little satisfaction. Of course this has an impact on me, on us. He complains all the time and while on the hand I see the problems and give him my support, on the other I struggle to find happiness in our life. This is a strong statement, I know. I love him so much and I am here to help him going through this tough time but he seems unable to focus on something different from his job. I don’t like this approach. We discussed about it but things haven’t changed. So I am not happy at the moment or I should better write, we are happy but I don’t think complaining on a daily basis is the right path to follow. I think it’s wrong and the whole situation makes me nervous and sometimes even angry at him.
Last but not least, the fridge broke down! We will receive the new refrigerator today. The new one is a Christmas present from my dad. It’s huge, I think, for just two people but I am looking forward receiving it despite we are to spend a few hours cleaning it while I still have to buy Christmas presents!
* END OF PART I *