I just want to collapse on the couch and sleep or read. I feel exhausted. It must be the cold which makes me really hungry and sleepy despite this beautiful sun. It’s chilly but the sun is shining in this part of Italy. So, what’s new? We had a long chat over the weekend and things are much better. We are both tired (mainly because of our respective jobs) and we’re looking forward to the Christmas break even though we don’t have any plan except for visiting his parents. We are going to the mountains for a couple of days, that’s it. I’ll have to work anyway, as I have writing commitments.
So two-three days with his relatives and then I’ll maybe go visiting one of my best friends who lives one hour from here. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and I really want to spend one full day with him.
Our dog is really excited today. The gardeners are working outside and he has been running since 9 a.m.!! He is never tired, blessed him. He brings joy and love. I love him so much, it’s even difficult to put it into words.Yesterday he didn’t see me until 7 p.m which is unusual and when I got back he jumped on me with kisses. I know he shouldn’t jump on people but… I can’t deny that I am happy when he greets me like that. The problem is, as you can imagine, that he jumps on everyone.
Anyway, the garden would be sooo empty without him running around, chasing birds etc.
It has occurred to me that we live in an increasingly militarized world. Peace is a fake word, it’s made up to sleep without nightmares. In this part of world, where wars ended many years ago, we’ve always thought that battles do not belong here. They are fought by less civilized people. However, have a look outside your window. There’s probably a security tool out there, if it’s not an alarm to protect your property, it’s maybe a surveillance camera or a drone which flies silently with some birds. Think about it. You have to prove who you are on a daily basis by e.g. giving passwords, showing your IDs, using a badge etc. Identification matters.
Step back now and look inside, take a glance at your self-impostions: inter alia, working out, eating less, no smoking etc. I’m not saying that we are all trapped, nor that we are all the same. Some people do not give a shit about “things that should’t be done”, however, I am pretty sure we have all dealt with social constraints. Because these are almost all social constraints. Take, for instance, exercising. The demonization of obesity is not just for health reasons. Aesthetic does play a significant role, especially in a country like Italy: you have to look good, you have to work out. There are no curves anymore and I am talking about “brain curves”, meaning flexibility. We are less flexible and more likely to accept the militarization of the soul, of the body and of the context we live in without questions.
Ok, I am exaggerating now but it’s hard to deny that militarization is a state of mind, before being an actual fact. We follow rules, which are part of the social contract, and we comply with them even by self-imposing – at different extent- rigid behaviors. Sometimes I wonder whether this is the fate of human beings who pretend to be free but behave like caged animals. In this sense, zoos mirror society. We feed animals and see a reflected duplication of ourselves despite thinking of being different, if not superior.
The internalization of power dynamics, of rules etc. led to the militarization of both the individual and of the society.
Sundays mornings are the best moments for writing. Usually I am at home alone because my partner goes to the supermarket to get some stuff for the upcoming week. That’s the deal: I cook & buy vegetables and fruits, he takes care of the rest. This is the time when the house is quiet (it’s not a “treat” though as, without kids and living where we live, either the house or the neighborhood are never noisy), the dog naps and church bells ring in the hope to call attention. My thoughts clarify too and I feel free from commitments. It’s a good feeling, even if it lasts just until the end of the day.
I went away last week and everything went really well, more that I had expected to be honest. There are more trips in the next couple of weeks and lots to do but it’s ok. I’m doing what I like and this is a real treat. The drawback is that I am increasingly disappointed about my position here, not to mention the asymmetry of power at work which makes me frustrated and unhappy. I have a plan but I have to wait until the end of this year. In the meanwhile, I’ll try to hold on.
On a different note, it seems that we have owls in the garden! I am not entirely sure as obviously we haven’t seen them but we do hear them every single night as they are pretty loud. Five or six (or maybe more) years ago we had little owls and we saw them in the evenings. Typical owls, however, are bigger and nocturnal so we hear them only when it gets dark. The funny thing is that the dog couldn’t care less which is weird as he spends time chasing birds during the day! The sound is very peculiar, loud and a bit scary.Yesterday night I recorded them and I think, after hearing owls sounds on the Internet, that they are owls (they sound exactly like this). I wish we could see them but they hide in trees so it’s almost impossible. I like the fact that there are so many birds here, it makes me feel immersed in nature and I love it. We didn’t expect owls though! I want them to be safe so I’ll do my best to keep my distance even if it’s tempting to jump off the couch and see where they are!