The thing that is going to change my life

I should receive it at the beginning of next week. I still can’t believe it. I don’t believe until I’ll check my email and will find it there. I was told that it’s ready. It’s just a matter of signatures now. i feel thrilled and worried at the same time. I feel both happy and “sad”. This is going to be a huge change. Driving 100 km everyday, working in a new place, new colleagues etc. No more “working at home”. This is going to be tough because I’ve never had a schedule. I wake up and start working at 6:30 or I wake up, go out for a walk and start working at 10 and then maybe have lunch at 2 and work until 8. Also, I spend a great amount of time with the dog now. This means a lot for me. I like having him around, seeing him running or writing on the couch while I have his head on my legs. I’ll be out from early morning until the evening which sounds really unusual and even weird to me.

On a different note, I’ll be working at a GREAT and important place and I’m looking forward to learn new things, meet new people and yes, I think it’s about time to change my life.

I haven’t told the news at the place where I’m currently working. Only one person knows it for reasons I can’t make explicit here. I’ll tell them when I receive and sign “the thing that is going to change my life”. I don’t expect tears, on the contrary all I’ll get is emotional detachment but I’m ready for that. It’s ok. It has taken me 10 years to understand dynamics and to get to know “someone” so… I know how this is going to end. It’s sad but it’s not my fault. As I said, it’s fine. I know how to deal with it. However, I can’t deny that I’m thinking about it… the words I’m going to use, the tone etc. It’s not an easy task but it would more difficult (unbearable?) to be stuck there for the rest of my life.

I’m going to keep this blog. I want to share what I can share in the next few months. I’ll probably delete my FB and twitter accounts because I want to “disappear” for a while and take my time to adjust without distractions.

Wish me good luck.

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Life, books, kids, dogs and other things

I don’t have time for writing these days. I don’t have time for reading blogs etc. However, I feel an urge this morning, it’s like an “itch” on the tip of my fingers: it’s time to sit down and write, just for a few minutes. Ok, so what’s going on? Lots of things, my lovely readers. I should be careful though, as I’m still waiting for “answers”. I can’t really describe the last few weeks in great details until I receive “something” and then I can give voice to all I have been through. It’s all good, nothing to be concerned about. There are major shifts ahead. Well, there might be major shifts this coming spring. Nope, I am not pregnant. Actually, if I get pregnant now it would be very unfortunate. And you know, what? I don’t care about not having kids. This is something I’ve realized only recently. In the past I thought that life without kids in this big house could have been boring/difficult in the long run. Just the three of us (I’m counting the dog, of course). Now, at almost 39, I’m aware that, for one thing, I’m more patient with dogs than with kids and I’m with no doubts a dog person. I couldn’t live without dogs but I can live without a child. It has taken me quite a while to realize that, mainly because of societal pressure. So, here I am, conscious of my priorities and getting pregnant is NOT on the top of my list, actually, it’s not on the list anymore! And I feel so good because I know that I don’t need that. I have friends who live with this “ghost”: “I’m turning 40 and I don’t have kids”. And so what?! Life is good, even without kids.

Of course pregnancy was not intended to be the topic of this post but I can’t write about the “other thing” so I’m afraid this is all you get this morning. Oh yeah, I should mention that we went to Berlin and we really enjoyed it despite the f**** cold. What a city! I should also mention that I’ve just finished a great book The Circle by D. Eggers and I’ve started another great book Still Alice. They are, in my view, both a must-read for several reasons. I don’t have time now but I’m planning to write short reviews here.

I should get going now as I’m LAAAAATE!