I should receive it at the beginning of next week. I still can’t believe it. I don’t believe until I’ll check my email and will find it there. I was told that it’s ready. It’s just a matter of signatures now. i feel thrilled and worried at the same time. I feel both happy and “sad”. This is going to be a huge change. Driving 100 km everyday, working in a new place, new colleagues etc. No more “working at home”. This is going to be tough because I’ve never had a schedule. I wake up and start working at 6:30 or I wake up, go out for a walk and start working at 10 and then maybe have lunch at 2 and work until 8. Also, I spend a great amount of time with the dog now. This means a lot for me. I like having him around, seeing him running or writing on the couch while I have his head on my legs. I’ll be out from early morning until the evening which sounds really unusual and even weird to me.
On a different note, I’ll be working at a GREAT and important place and I’m looking forward to learn new things, meet new people and yes, I think it’s about time to change my life.
I haven’t told the news at the place where I’m currently working. Only one person knows it for reasons I can’t make explicit here. I’ll tell them when I receive and sign “the thing that is going to change my life”. I don’t expect tears, on the contrary all I’ll get is emotional detachment but I’m ready for that. It’s ok. It has taken me 10 years to understand dynamics and to get to know “someone” so… I know how this is going to end. It’s sad but it’s not my fault. As I said, it’s fine. I know how to deal with it. However, I can’t deny that I’m thinking about it… the words I’m going to use, the tone etc. It’s not an easy task but it would more difficult (unbearable?) to be stuck there for the rest of my life.
I’m going to keep this blog. I want to share what I can share in the next few months. I’ll probably delete my FB and twitter accounts because I want to “disappear” for a while and take my time to adjust without distractions.
Wish me good luck.
I don’t have time for writing these days. I don’t have time for reading blogs etc. However, I feel an urge this morning, it’s like an “itch” on the tip of my fingers: it’s time to sit down and write, just for a few minutes. Ok, so what’s going on? Lots of things, my lovely readers. I should be careful though, as I’m still waiting for “answers”. I can’t really describe the last few weeks in great details until I receive “something” and then I can give voice to all I have been through. It’s all good, nothing to be concerned about. There are major shifts ahead. Well, there might be major shifts this coming spring. Nope, I am not pregnant. Actually, if I get pregnant now it would be very unfortunate. And you know, what? I don’t care about not having kids. This is something I’ve realized only recently. In the past I thought that life without kids in this big house could have been boring/difficult in the long run. Just the three of us (I’m counting the dog, of course). Now, at almost 39, I’m aware that, for one thing, I’m more patient with dogs than with kids and I’m with no doubts a dog person. I couldn’t live without dogs but I can live without a child. It has taken me quite a while to realize that, mainly because of societal pressure. So, here I am, conscious of my priorities and getting pregnant is NOT on the top of my list, actually, it’s not on the list anymore! And I feel so good because I know that I don’t need that. I have friends who live with this “ghost”: “I’m turning 40 and I don’t have kids”. And so what?! Life is good, even without kids.
Of course pregnancy was not intended to be the topic of this post but I can’t write about the “other thing” so I’m afraid this is all you get this morning. Oh yeah, I should mention that we went to Berlin and we really enjoyed it despite the f**** cold. What a city! I should also mention that I’ve just finished a great book The Circle by D. Eggers and I’ve started another great book Still Alice. They are, in my view, both a must-read for several reasons. I don’t have time now but I’m planning to write short reviews here.
I should get going now as I’m LAAAAATE!
Do I have time for writing?
Yes, but … ok, I have no excuses this time. Updating the blog should be a habit. It was a habit for me (with previous blogs), until a few years ago when I got involved in more things to do at work. In any case, here I am. I won’t be bothering you with my Christmas’ stories as there’s nothing exciting or special to recall. We are not big fan neither of Christmas holidays nor of New Year’s celebrations. Everything went *almost* fine. I reconnected with some friends, though and this was good.
Yesterday I went to Rome. I didn’t have the time to visit anything but I did go for a walk near Montecitorio area where there is the Italian Chamber of Deputies. Let me be frank with you, I was very annoyed by all the Italian politicians I stumbled upon who were having lunch at 3 pm after being interviewed by TV journalists. Rome is another world. They live somewhere between Italy and a country which is not my own. People having lunch at 3 or chatting and hanging out in the middle of the afternoon. Veeery relaxed in comparison to Milan. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in Milan and I don’t particularly like it, BUT there a huge difference Milan and Rome. I know this can be seen as “cheap” generalization (the classical North versus South: we work, they do nothing) but I can’t deny that people in Rome seem to take life easier than those in Milan and .. good for them! As long as “they” are laypersons I’m fine with it, but given that many (if not all) politicians based in Rome behave like Roman emperors who have nothing do except for throwing parties, I have the right to be annoyed. I know this is nothing new but if you actually go there, you’d be shocked too. No surprise if the country is collapsing.
Next week I’m going to Belgium. I don’t like it (please, take me back to Rome now!) but, on the bright side, I’ll spend 3 full days working with friends which is great. I’ll also have a party to look forward to (you see? we also throw parties). So, Belgian chocolate, work, dinners and a party with friends. Sounds good, isn’t it?
There’s a monster in the kitchen! LOL, as I said it’s huge fridge for two people but it’s really nice… I like it. Our dog seems a bit confused by this new object which has an odd smell.
We had an argument yesterday. I told him that I am not happy. He told me things he doesn’t like. He doesn’t like living so close to mum. I can understand that. She is literally across the garden and she is often here. He thinks that we have “problems” because my parents interfere for trivial things like how to clean the fridge etc. Or families are the on the opposite side of the spectrum: while we seldom see them and/or hear from them, my relatives live where we live and my partner works with my dad! This might be overwhelming but I don’t think that his way of dealing with difficulties (complaining all the time) is related to this.
I should add, though, that we love each other. We still love each other after almost 18 years together and this moment shall pass. I can’t pretend that everything is fine but I can’t even say that we are living in a black hole!
As far as my job is concerned, things haven’t changed. I have big responsibility but my position is the same. I shouldn’t accept that but what are the alternatives? I have to wait until February-March to take any decision. It’s ok, I can wait for two-three months but I can’t wait forever. Also, I am involved in a project that is all “mine”. I just have to make it happen… can’t go into details here, sorry.
I haven’t put much thoughts into Christmas yet but I should hurry up. There are presents & decorations to buy. Today is our “Christmas decorations” day and we’re going to buy new ornaments. I’ve only bought one present for a colleague (and friend) of mine so far!
This is all for now. Have a lovely Sunday.