I intended to write a draft version of this post and then publish it here but I don’t have the time for it. Please forgive my mistakes, I don’t have the time to check typos, grammar etc.
I woke up this morning with the idea of updating this blog. A lot should be written but I’d limit myself to a couple of things which are important to me.
First and foremost, it’s been a difficult time. My mum, who suffers from a chronic disease, has been unwell. This shouldn’t be surprising given the very nature of her disease, but in fact it was a bit of shock for us because she had been quite well until three-four weeks ago! She had a complete remission for 2 years and then… bum! This caused stress and fears. I’m not going into details here but now things are slightly better. However, she had to go though tests and it seemed like a nightmare. We will see how things develop, we have an appointment with the specialist next week. We are more relaxed now though and I sleep more than a few weeks ago! Understandably, we tend to forget what means to be sick when we’re healthy. We had forgotten for two years and now we have to deal with the reality of things. But I don’t want to make things worse than they are so we will see.
Second, we (my partner and myself) have been dealing with troubles at work. He is still quite disappointed because things turned out to be very different from what we had expected. Long story short: he works a lot (often until 10 p.m.) with very little satisfaction. Of course this has an impact on me, on us. He complains all the time and while on the hand I see the problems and give him my support, on the other I struggle to find happiness in our life. This is a strong statement, I know. I love him so much and I am here to help him going through this tough time but he seems unable to focus on something different from his job. I don’t like this approach. We discussed about it but things haven’t changed. So I am not happy at the moment or I should better write, we are happy but I don’t think complaining on a daily basis is the right path to follow. I think it’s wrong and the whole situation makes me nervous and sometimes even angry at him.
Last but not least, the fridge broke down! We will receive the new refrigerator today. The new one is a Christmas present from my dad. It’s huge, I think, for just two people but I am looking forward receiving it despite we are to spend a few hours cleaning it while I still have to buy Christmas presents!
* END OF PART I *
For two nights in a row I dream of a friend who lives in the UK.
We met a few years ago. I know his family, he knows mine. We like each other, we get along but I wouldn’t consider him as a “close” friend. He is someone I really get along with and I really like as a person. And I am sure he feels the same. He is good looking but I have never been sexually attracted to him despite being very nice. Ok, to be honest I should add that we are both “taken” otherwise … well, the history is not made of ” what if”.
That said, I keep dreaming that we are together. And I know (in the dream) that it’s wrong but nonetheless there are kisses and even plans for travels! This is very strange. It has never happened to me before. I don’t know what to make of it.
Ok, I keep complaining. You’re right. It’s not a super positive blog but this is life and I haven’t been through super happy/relaxing moments lately so, why should I lie?
First, I am sleep deprived… for a change. I wake up every single day between 6 and 7 and it’s not funny as I could sleep much more. I am working but at home! There’s no point of getting up before 8 really but I can’t keep mind & brain relaxed for more than 6-7 hours. The result is that I feel like shit and I start working at 8 which is not necessary. I am obsessed with work. I suppose it’s because my colleagues are away and I feel all the responsibly on my shoulders which is exactly the case as I am taking decisions on behalf of a whole group. They are traveling around the world while I have conference calls and commitments on a daily basis. This has never happened to me in August. Never. I wish I could rely on someone but I came to realize that there’s no way out. Take it or leave it.
Second, I am still waiting for a f…email (see last post) but all I got is silence.
Third, I am obsessed with the dog. He has always been VERY healthy but he hasn’t been all that hungry these days. He doesn’t want to eat in the morning! This is really strange. The odd aspect is that he seems fine except for his attitude to food. I am concerned as his attitude has changed radically in a few days. Something is wrong. Now, I guess I should wait before taking him to the vet or rushing to worst-case scenario conclusions. However, given that we don’t have kids and that he has always been exceptionally well, I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown! Honestly, I am very concerned. Very. Believe me or not, this dog is going to be my last. I just can’t cope with health problems. I can’t. I feel so bad that I am almost sick. Headache & other stuff.
Fourth, because of the third reason, i don’t want to go on holiday. Everything is planned and booked but I can’t leave until I found out what’s wrong with the dog. I haven’t shared my thoughts with my partner as he would hate me for this and he is getting (already) quite annoyed with me (“stop taking about dog! can you relax, please?”).
So we will see but can I tell you something?
I hate this summer. I hate it. Something is just wrong. My obsessions, potential health issues, not to mention that I am physically and emotionally exhausted. I am overworked, that’s for sure. I don’t feel like going to Greece and having fun. I feel like collapsing on the couch.
I’ve done most of the job. I still have to read some stuff and there’s an upcoming Skype call but I am almost officially on holiday, namely I don’t have to commute anymore and I don’t have biz trips until September. Everything can be done at home, yuppie! I’ve worked a lot this year but it’s been all worth it. I am tired and I am not, if you can see what I mean. When you like what you’re doing and you achieve the goals it’s rewarding. I am now ready to take the back seat and read while someone’s is driving. Except for this weekend when I’ll be driving to Cortona while my partner will be taking more than one nap 😉
I feel good. It’s summer, not too hot and I have enough free time to visit friends & go away for long weekends.
I also finished The Goldfinch…. on the plane. Wow, the end is WONDERFUL. You just have to get there, as I mentioned elsewhere, it’s a looong book. What am I going to read next? I’ve already started the first book written by Donna Tartt but I might need something lighter and more attuned to my “summer mood”. The Secret History is set in cold Vermont! Any suggestions? Also, a shorter book would work at the moment as I still have other reading commitments and a tight deadline to meet.